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(take a stab at me)

these days... [02 May 2007|12:30pm]
[ mood | confused ]

the past few days have been hectic.

I am a bad person

I am having panic attacks

My stomach can't keep the food in

I don't care anymore... about life or people (except for a select few)

I can't believe i am 20 and about to go into counseling...

hahaha I am listening to Friday I'm in Love... oh god, if you knew how MUCH that songs means to me RIGHT NOW

(take a stab at me)

ha! i knew it [17 Apr 2007|11:10am]
Johnathan Josue talked to me yesterday. We cleared things up and understood somethings that were better off unsaid. but i have friend!

(take a stab at me)

my family [14 Apr 2007|11:58pm]
[ mood | happy ]

nicole (my cousin) and i are becoming very good friends. it is somewhat weird considering we both hated each other 5 years ago. But, then again, we both changed over time...

I am happy. i have a new friend... and this will be the start of a last friendship...

PLUS we both are in relationships so we understand each other.

PLUS we both like fashion, makeup, and just having fun (without being sluts)

WE are virgins... or something close to it...

(take a stab at me)

jonathan josue [14 Apr 2007|12:11am]
[ mood | depressed ]

this guy and i hit it off from the first time he said hi to me.

in 10 minutes we were able to tell each other our fears and weakeness... without any weakeness or fear. However, when I told him I had a boyfriend the conversation stopped. We met up for pizza the next week.

He had a depression relapse. I tried making him feel worth something. Made him smile and blush. Then Stanford called and I ended the call with "I love you." Jonathan looked away and the rest of the night was silent.

he never called me again. and if he did, he did not call with the ethusiasm i was accustomed to.

today i got a letter...

"te dejo."

and so the story ends.

let me clear the story. i never kissed him. i never was affectionate to him. I laughed. I smiled. I listened. I spoke. but I loved Stanford and realized that he is priority.

(2 comments|take a stab at me)

write... [11 Apr 2007|06:17pm]
[ mood | amused ]

why i have decided to write... I will never know

I recently turned in an 8-page paper about American Idol. I came at it with a negative angle. Somehow, I ended on a positive angle. I have gotten soft. Seriously. I have grown ... not a liking... respect for the show. It's so perversely primitive that it is genius.

i do not go out. I am in LA and I do not go out. I like to cook dinner and play board games with my Stanford. I like to go home and hang out with my mom. I like to read. I like to listen to Gogol Bordello. I like to compose songs... none of those talented ones.... but cute ones. I like to tell Charlie that I love him because it makes him feel special when his mom hasn't seen him for months. I like to watch Stanford play soccer with Charlie because then Charlie can claim he had a father figure.

i like life.

i do not like to drink or be around drunk people. I hate smoking. I hate people who talk about other people by, both, their first and last name. I hate people who do not make it to class because partying is more important. I hate drunks walking on the street and howling racist slurs at my boyfriend. I hate how Stanford carries a knife in his pocket. I hate how my roommate smells like asian food. I hate how she fakes her laugh and voice so that she'll sound a bit more attractive, considering men don't like climbing walls (think about it).

I am a virgin... or something close to it...

p.s. i still hate emo

(take a stab at me)

my name is none of your business [04 Sep 2006|12:46pm]
or perhaps it is? point is, I forgot.

(take a stab at me)

end of freshman year [11 May 2006|10:39am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

so it's the end of my freshman year at usc... how did it go?

academically it's been ok... above a C average lower than an A average... so i guess B??? i hope soon... spring semester grades are not in yet.

socially it's been ok. i have made two good close friends... Rebecca and Torrance's Most Wanted Drag Queen, Sal.

relationship-wise it's been great. i have found stanford and i am COMPLETELY in love with him... i miss his smile...

(take a stab at me)

who else but stan? [03 May 2006|07:39pm]
[ mood | loved ]

"fa fo"
poor charlie cannot pronounce Stanford's name. i am glad Stan and Charlie got along it was adorable. when stan left charlie was running around looking for stan. this chubby little boy looked under beds whispering "fa fo" when he couldn't find him his face had no trace of a smile. poor thing.

*sigh* i miss waking up next to stan.... especially when the ass was too lazy to get up!

but i love that ass...

(take a stab at me)

*sigh* [03 May 2006|12:41am]
[ mood | content ]

the ceiling is very pretty isn't it stanford?
*rolls into his arm and kisses his cheek*
but not as beautiful as that smile.
*stan smiles*
I knew you weren't asleep.

it's the little moments in life that make my life that more amazing.

(take a stab at me)

i am in that weird mood... [28 Feb 2006|06:38pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

i am in that weird mood i get every so often. stanford has it too. we put on clothes and throw makeup on ourselves then go to a club or gig... where others like us attend.

stanford usually wears a dress... my dress i might add. and i wear something that just sticks out my boobs with my 3 inch heel boots... but damn we look hot...

i love being with stanford. it's sooo much fun! sure i get all this shit that he is a fag... but BELIEVE ME he isn't.

it's a shame that halloween isn't every day... that way ppl wouldn't look at us weird... i got an idea for an outfit... i need a white skirt...

(take a stab at me)

[20 Feb 2006|11:12pm]
[ mood | happy ]

i am completely in love...

or maybe a pzycho

or on my rag???

i am not sure...

but fact is i love stanford.

yeah... couldn't be happier...

well i could... but i am still happy.

(take a stab at me)

FUCKING BILLY! [12 Feb 2006|09:48am]
[ mood | angry ]

last night stanford was using my computer while i was reading and fucking billy... he came online (i should add that he was drunk) and messaged me asking me to fuck him.

stanford was fucking pissed off.

i ended up talking to Billy online and telling him to calm down cause he was drunk and told him my bf was there. he apologized so i handed over the computer to stan. and stan continued talking to him. then billy kept talking about a secret. and stan demanded to know what was the secret.

but here's the problem... i don't know what the fuck billy was talking about. i have nothing with him. that messaged even shocked me! i haven't even seen him since the begining of the school year. this sucks. when i was finally happy some dumb drunk had to ruin it...

stanford didn't break up with me but he made it clear that he was upset...

this sucks cause earlier that night i was talking to my mom and she admitted that she loved him...

(take a stab at me)

i should be studying... [09 Feb 2006|10:12am]
[ mood | happy ]

i should be studying but class was canceled and i feel like i am obligated to write. i mean i wouldn't have been studying in class, right? whatever i am stupid.


well i feel like my life is pretty much almost complete. like i can feel it coming closer...

my social life at school is not great. but i really don't care. i am found alone many times but i am happy. i mean i have a wonderful boyfriend, my roommate and i have practically become best friends, i have a job and i am doing okay in school... if it wasn't for my granny dying... it would have been perfect. i mean... so far i have paid 1,300 for school in a school where tuition is 37,000... i feel pretty good about myself.

people may look at me as a loner but i am extremely happy with myself and my situation.


life is good.

"happy ever after"

(take a stab at me)

it hurts... [05 Feb 2006|11:59pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

it hurts to know that i have parted ways with so many people, friends, guys i have gone out with, ex boyfriends, relatives, teachers, etc.


i just parted with ruben. i never meant to hurt him. but i had to pick one and i picked stan... though ruben has never hurt me and stan has hurt me 3 times...


it was the age difference. he is 24 and i am 18 and my parents would have never understood. and i am afraid of being alone. so i knew that if i picked ruben my parents would have never accepted and i would be alone...

so i picked stanford because my parents accepted him... and i wouldn't be alone


three sighs... i have never heard ruben so angry... it's the second time i broke his heart... with the same guy.

i am a bad person.

(take a stab at me)

my life in a few words... [05 Feb 2006|08:39pm]
[ mood | tired ]


yup that sums it right up.

i like my coffee strong and my people aged...

(take a stab at me)

los abandoned [04 Feb 2006|03:33pm]
[ mood | happy ]

i haven't had so much fun in such a long time

yesterday was a good day.

my hunny and i have been having trouble this past week but he apologized fri. (FINALLY HE GOT IT) and I forgave him. it was 10 and i still had tickets for the Los Abandoned Winter Formal which started at 8... so we decided to take the risk, go and see if it was over. so we called a taxi and went. well we got there just in time. los abandoned took stage like 2 minutes after we got there.

i danced my ass off it was funny. ppl were looking at me and stanford. but fuck it i had a blast. at the end there was a pit that stan and joined. it was hilarious while everyone else was pushing stanford and i were doing a little dance in the middle of the pit... so much fun!!! we got our picture taken a couple of times... i was totally not dressed for it but i had fun, especially cause i was with my hunny.

oh man when they played Rock Lobster... yes Rock Lobster stan and i were dancing like crazy.

but yeah we got home around 2... went to go eat at 2... then went to sleep at 3 and woke up at 10. i showered and found stan watching the power rangers in the living room. it was classic.

(take a stab at me)

update!!! [21 Jan 2006|11:11pm]
seeing how i erased my deadjournal due to an ex (not gabriel) becoming obsessive, I have now decided to write more here.

college is alright. this semester i got GREAT teachers. last semester went alright. i can't really complain.

my granny went into the hospital Dec. 4th. they doctors gave her 3-4 days... she's taken a month!!! sadly, what she has is incurable and WILL die. they are taking her to my house (not apartments) and into my room. I was more than happy to offer the room. However, I did not think about it very well.... she's going to DIE there... I feel sort of weird (there must be a better word to describe my feeling but i can't think of another one) to know that she died in there... seeing how i was planning on moving back...

but i am glad that at least we will be with family when she passes away. i love her. but just seeing her unable to move makes me feel so sad. i cry at night when my roommy is deeply asleep. i cry in the shower when i know that the water running down the draining is covering the cries of this soul.


things with stanford are not good. i have realized that it should have been ruben i said yes to. i have been COMPLETELY faithful to stan to be hurt 3 times. it's too much now. ruben NEVER hurt him but i did...

my roomy and i have learned to get along

and FEB. 3rd marks girls night out with gis. i am so excited!!!

(take a stab at me)

me odian [23 Dec 2005|11:02pm]
"me odian en LA"

pero soy querible!!!

(take a stab at me)

life... [22 Dec 2005|04:36pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

life is tough.

my granny is dying.

my cousin has an uncurable disease.

i was kicked out of home but they let me back in.

*sigh* life could be worst. i just glad i have stanford by my side at night to tell me everything will be okay. and NO WE HAVEN'T HAD SEX!!! (why does everyone think that?)

(take a stab at me)

[12 Dec 2005|08:02pm]
i am in love with hate's groom.

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